To help widowed residents overcome the difficult first step of socialising again after loss, Reading District Oddfellows, a friendship group based in Reading, Henley on Thames, Thatcham and Maidenhead is inviting visitors along to its events for just three minutes.
The unusual offer is based on the ‘Three Minute Carrot Method’, which gives you permission to stop or leave something after three minutes instead of feeling daunted by staying for an hour.
The technique was suggested to the group by Clinical Psychologist and author, Dr Jennifer Wild, who was asked for her advice on ways in which people can rebuild social confidence after losing a partner.
Debbie, Branch Secretary of Reading District Oddfellows, a not-for-profit organisation which brings people together in the community for social activities, said: “Trying something new can be nerve-wracking, especially if it’s the first time an individual has really put themselves in a social setting without having their partner by their side.”
“We’d obviously love people to stay for the entirety of our events, but we also recognise that people need to move at their own pace. So, if you decide that three minutes is enough for you that day, that’s totally fine. If you want to stay longer, then that’s great also.”
Dr Wild, who has written a series of blogs for the Oddfellows, commented: “The Three Minute Carrot Method gives you permission to stop or leave something early. After your three minutes you can decide if you are going to turn around and go home, or if you are going to carry on. You’ll find, more often than not, that you will carry on. But by giving yourself permission to leave, it relieves the pressure.”
Debbie added: “When Dr Wild explained this technique to us, we wanted to share her advice more widely as it could be the thing that encourages someone to take that one small positive step forwards.” We organise social events for our members across the area where newcomers are always welcome to come along and give us a try.
“We say ring or email us ahead of your first event to let us know you’re coming, so we can explain exactly where we meet and we can welcome you,” added Debbie.
In addition to attending regular social events, Oddfellows members can access financial benefits and welfare support, with a dedicated care helpline and citizens advice team, and a travel club.
Anyone wishing to attend an upcoming event, or to receive a local events diary, contact Debbie on 0118 957 3354 or email readingdistrict@oddfellows.co.uk. Further information about the Oddfellows can be found at oddfellows.co.uk/firststeps.
Dr Jennifer Wild is a consultant clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Oxford. Her book, Be Extraordinary: 7 Key Skills to Transform your Life from Ordinary to Extraordinary, gives inspiring real-life examples of how ordinary people have used these skills to come through astonishing adversity.
To read Dr Wild’s series of advice blogs, written especially for the Oddfellows, go to oddfellows.co.uk/news.
