By Jon Skeet and Laura Payne
My name is Jon, and I’m a member of the Women’s Equality Party.
The party membership includes several men, because we believe that equality is better for everyone.
Recently, another member, who has co-written this column, told us about an experience she had using public transport.
Here is Laura’s account:
“I was on a train back to Wokingham at around 10.30pm. During the journey, I happened to look up and saw a man opposite me fidgeting around; the movement had caught my eye.
“To my horror, I noticed that his penis was hanging out of his shorts – his legs were crossed and he was looking away from me out of the window.
“I became aware he was looking at me, and I realised he was deliberately exposing himself and directing this behaviour at me.
“I panicked once I realised what was happening. I didn’t feel in immediate physical danger but I was scared he might follow me once I left.
“I contacted my husband to make sure he was going to meet me at the station and he called the police. I was concerned that if the man was detained, he would deny his actions and I wouldn’t be believed.
“I tried to video the scenario for evidence. I now know there is CCTV on most trains which they do use to corroborate statements.
“The man got off at Wokingham – the same station as me – and was arrested. I gave a statement, throughout which I felt that I needed to prove that I was a victim.
“The police only got interested when they realised the man had been accused of similar crimes previously and that I had video evidence – I finally felt believed.
“The matter was then passed to the British Transport Police, who were brilliant, and I spoke to two sympathetic female police officers. I feel pretty lucky, all things considered – I was in my 30s, on a reasonably busy train, with my husband on his way.
“I dread to think what it would have been like if I was a teenager alone in the dark. I have no idea what I would have done then.”
My response to Laura’s account was shock. If you’d asked me for the first words that occurred to me, they’d probably have included “unbelievable” – and this is part of the problem.
I entirely believe Laura; but my shock comes from how unbelievable it seems to me that there are men who think it is acceptable to behave that way towards women.
The reality is for women, stories like this are common, even if they are no less shocking. I’ve never been in Laura’s position or anything close to it; the world in which this happened feels a million miles away from the world in which I live and breathe.
The fact that women who are the victims of sexual harassment are disbelieved so often suggests that any factor that contributes to that culture of immediate disbelief or minimisation should be examined. The more men are aware of misogyny, the easier it will be to challenge it, to stop the sexist jokes and ‘banter’ that lead to men like the one on that train.
Ending violence against women and girls is one of the seven objectives of the Women’s Equality Party, with policies to change both the justice system which lets women down far too often, and the culture which appears to accept or excuse the inexcusable.
The White Ribbon campaign (whiteribbon.org.uk) asks men to play their part in challenging this culture, and I’m delighted to hear that Wokingham Borough Council are (finally) making progress on White Ribbon accreditation.
It can’t stop with the Council though: all men have a role to play in ending the misogyny which is very real, and more common than most of us would like to acknowledge.
What happened to Laura is shocking, but it’s not unbelievable, rare or impossible to fix. It needs to stop. We need to believe women.
Jon Skeet is Treasurer of the Reading and Wokingham Women’s Equality Party, Laura Payne is a member of WEP from Wokingham
